Summerslam 1994

1994 was an amazing year for cinema. You had films like Forrest Gump, Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction and The Lion King all released that year. Meanwhile in the world of professional wrestling, things weren’t so great. Hulk Hogan had just gone to WCW and WWF was dealing with a steroid trial that could have brought down the company. But there were some positives like this PPV. Live from the brand new United Center in Chicago, Illonis, it’s Summerslam 1994!

The show opens with the Macho Man Randy Savage and he cuts a pretty good promo to hype the show. Savage says “Nobody does it better than the WWF” even though he moved to WCW shortly after this event. Macho throws to Vince McMahon and says he’s going to do his “thing in the ring” which Vince’s mishears as “the thing in the thing”. McMahon is joined this year on commentary by Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler whose defining trait at this point is his hatred for the Hart Family.

Match 1: The Headshrinkers vs The Million Dollar Team? Corporation? Not sure but it’s Bam Bam Bigelow and IRS

This match was supposed to be for the tag team titles but the Headshrinkers dropped the belts to Shawn Michaels and Diesel on a house show on the previous night. Some classic WWF bait and switch there. DiBiase accompanies IRS and Bam Bam Bigelow to the ring. The Headshrinkers are accompanied by Afa and Lou Albano, who really needs to do his shirt up. No one wants to see your bare chest Lou!

This is a fun little match that sees a lot of hot fire from Samu and not really much out of Fatu. Not that Vince McMahon can tell the difference between them anyway. He regularly says “Samu Fatu” to try and cover all the bases. Vince also randomly plugs Dominoes Pizza at a few points during the night though I’m not really sure whether there’s a sponsorship deal going on or not. Maybe Vince was just trying to get some free pizza.

Samu and IRS trade missed spots in a fun little exchange that ends with Irwin tumbling out of the ring. You can really see how the Usos are basically the second incarnation of the Headshrinkers as they share a lot of similarities. This includes the top rope splash in the corner which is well executed by a slim-line Rikishi. Things break down causing Afa to get involved in the action to a big pop. Afa’s interference did lose the Headshrinkers the match by disqualification. The brawl spills to the outside of the ring and we get a glimpse of Mike Chioda’s amazing mullet.

Verdict: 6.5/10

We get a backstage skit with Leslie Nielsen as two staff members try and prevent him for going into a restricted access area. Nielsen meets someone who looks like the Undertaker but it turns out to be George Kennedy (KENNEDY!). The only thing to bring even the slightest smirk on my face from this segment was when George said “they’re both on the case” and they were standing on a suitcase.

Match 2: Alundra Blayze vs Bull Nakano

Blayze vs Nakano with Luna at ringside. This is gonna be good. Bull Nakano walks out to the Orient Express theme. I guess that is the default to-go music for any Japanese wrestler at the time. It’s hard to know how to start to describe Bull’s look. Imagine that Jesse Ventura was a Batman Villain. That’s probably the closest description I can give but I don’t think it goes far enough. I really liked Blayze’s entrance with her cape and it gives the sense of the Phoenix rising from the flames. Also she blows the entire sparkler budget to spell out her name in fireworks.

These two prove that great WWE women’s wrestling wasn’t invented in 2015. You can see that they are heavy influences on the current crop of talent. For instance, Nakano does Paige’s P.T.O. submission hold and Alundra does Becky Lynch’s matrix style pin escape. Due to her beautifully executed submissions, I wish we could see Bull Nakano go one-on-one with Ronda Rousey. He does a one-handed Boston Crab which is only seems to be possible to do on a woman due to their body shape. She also busts out a great transition move to get into an armbar.

Alundra’s offence is the kind of  ‘blaze’ that is implied in her name. It includes a flurry of dropkicks, flying attacks and THAT German Suplex. It all looks incredible. Luna makes her presence felt at ringside but doesn’t distract from the high quality in the ring. I loved this match.

Verdict: 9/10

Match 3: Razor Ramon vs Diesel

The Outsiders explode before they were even a thing. Shawn is wearing a fantastic zebra print outfit as he acts as Diesel’s manager for the match. Diesel’s theme music is just truck horns at this and it kind of feels like an early prototype of the Right To Censor theme. The vehicular themes continue as we hear the skidding car at the start of Razor’s theme. They have a nice little curtain behind the entrance area which rolls up every time someone comes down to the ring. It’s a nice effect really. Razor is accompanied by “Sweetness” Walter Peyton of the Chicago Bears who is wearing a Razor Ramon shirt that looks horrible.

Although he is sometimes criticised for his limited moveset, I found that Diesel did 17 different moves in this match including a sidewalk slam, a sleeper hold and the patented IRS Adominal Stretch with extra rope leverage. I don’t think any of these featured on Jim Cornette’s shortlist.

Referee Earl Hebner is all over the place as the match official. The more I watch the matches that he referees, the more I don’t like his style. He gets distracted easily which allows Shawn to help Diesel on several occasions. On one occasion, Hebner stops Diesel as he’s about to throw Razor into an exposed turnbuckle by moving into the way of the turnbuckle. That was completely unnecessary. Diesel should have thrown Razor into Hebner anyway. He would have deserved it for putting himself in harms way.

The action is a little bit sluggish until a closing sequence that features a number of near falls. Walter Peyton at ringside starts a tug of war over the Intercontinental title with Shawn. Stick that on your Wrestlemania go-home show. Shawn gets involved one too many times and accidentally superkicks Diesel allowing Ramon to eventually get the 1-2-3. After the match, there’s descension in the ranks between Diesel and Shawn and this looks like the end of their relationship. Relatively decent stuff here.

Verdict: 7/10

Match 4: Lex Luger vs Tatanka

Well this is kind of a dream match. Or maybe more of a nightmare match. The poll on whether Lex Luger sold out to the Million Dollar man is almost as close as the Brexit vote. Both monumental decisions in our lives there. Tatanka argues that Lex has sold out to the Million Dollar Man because him and Ted are on a first name basis. Well so are most people. Just because I call the guy in accounts Bill doesn’t mean I’m going to join this faction, does it?

This match as you might expect was not great. It starts with some trading of tie-ups and wristlocks before a botched small package by Lex. It doesn’t get much better either. The Million Dollar Man came down to the ring with a bunch of cash which distracted Luger long enough for Tatanka to win the match. Then the Native American turns heel and joins DiBiase’s crew but I really couldn’t care less. The best thing about this match? I was able to have an good look at Mike Chioda’s excellent mullet.

Verdict: 3/10

Match 5: Jeff Jarrett vs Mabel

I was expecting this to be awful but this was slightly better than that. Mabel is accompanied to the ring by Oscar, his Men on a Mission (M.O.M.) stablemate. At this point I realise that Men on a Mission are the precursor to the Oddities. Again we’ve got a larger sized babyface against the smaller heel and this dynamic doesn’t work well. This makes it very easy to cheer on the heel Jarrett. Jarrett pulls off a leapfrog on Mabel which was very impressive. Perhaps even more impressive though was seeing Mabel pull off a spinning heel kick. Mabel misses a few splashes which allows Jarrett to take advantage with the shock pinfall and underdog victory. Ain’t he great?

Verdict: 5.5/10

Leslie and George are back, this time on the aisle and are hot on the case of the Undertaker. There’s a shadow of Taker in the curtain at the entrance way but when the curtain pulls up it’s gone.

Match 6: Bret Hart vs Owen Hart

We see a long sequence of clips that recap the rivalry that goes all the way back to Survivor Series 1993. Sadly this doesn’t feature Owen’s classic “kicked your leg outta your leg” promo from Royal Rumble 1994. There is also some pre-match interviews with the Hart Foundation at ringside. This is basically padding so the ring crew have enough time to set up the cage. This isn’t one of those steel mesh cages that descends from the rafters. It’s a blue cage that has to be assembled on site.

Vince interviews Stu and Helen Hart, the British Bulldog, Bruce Hart and Jim Neidhart. The British Bulldog has a perm and he looks a bit like Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall of River Cottage Fame. The Anvil almost breaks kayfabe as he’s sitting right next to the Hart Family although he’s supposed to be on Owen’s side.

This is not a technical masterpiece but it was never designed to be. Instead it was portrayed as a legitimate contest that both men would do anything to win. Cage matches are usually rubbish these days but this one used the environment and the stipulation pretty much perfectly. Both Owen and Bret constantly went for the win whether it was via the cage door or escaping over the cage. This gave us some great leaps of faith by Owen as he desperately attempted to get away from the Hitman.

At times, it did feel like two brothers having a scrap in the backyard. The two traded blows and refused to let the other one get the upper hand. They also made the cage feel precarious and dangerous. Bret and Owen dangled upside down near the top of the cage as it looked as if they could crash head first into the mat at any moment. At one point, both men fall off the apron in devastating fashion. Speaking of dangerous, the spot of the match sees Bret pull off a superplex on Owen from the top of the cage! It was glorious!

Owen locked in a sharpshooter and told us that he was going to break Bret’s legs. This was a really nice touch as a submission hold would normally be pointless under escape only cage match rules. Owen justifies it as if Bret’s legs are out of action then he won’t be able to climb the cage. Bret eventually counters the sharpshooter into one of his own in another smooth transition we’ve come to know and love the Hitman for.

The finish saw Owen and Bret climb to the outside of the cage. Due to some bad luck, Owen got his feet stuck in the cage. This gave Bret the opportunity to pick up the victory. Before Bret could even celebrate, Anvil jumped the barricade to attack the Hitman. Anvil also clotheslined the Bulldog but he ended up knocking Diana Smith over the guard rail as well. You can tell that bit wasn’t part of the plan as lots of WWF Officials went over to check on Diana.

Owen and Jim locked themselves inside the cage with Bret although the Anvil took an age to work out how to lock the door. The two attempted to stave off the Hart Family who tried to climb into the cage to help Bret. Owen took his boot off to whack Bret with it. Anvil also loses a shoe as he escapes the cage as the Bulldog pulls Jim’s boot right off.

This folks is how to do a cage match. The personal rivalry and family involvement gave us a good reason why they had to have a cage match. The style played completely to the stipulation and it showed that having two people locked inside four walls of steel is pretty damn dangerous.

Verdict: 9/10

Main Event: The Undertaker vs Fake Undertaker

This feud reminded me of some of the recent one-sided Wrestlemania builds the Undertaker has been involved in. The Deadman didn’t show up until Summerslam itself so it was left up to DiBiase, Fake Undertaker and Paul Bearer to hype the feud. The story behind the match wasn’t actually too bad. It make sense for Ted DiBiase, the guy who brought the Undertaker into the WWF to feel like he should still be able to have the Lord of Darkness on his side. Maybe the Million Dollar Man feels he owns the brand of ‘The Undertaker’ and therefore is free to create a new one even the original is no longer cooperative.

This is the first Summerslam where the WWF have got proper lighting effects and they are going to town with it. Bearer brings out a casket that you think would contain the Undertaker. Instead it contains an Urn that, when opened, beams a bright light into the sky. This summons the Undertaker to the ring. We ended up hearing the Undertaker’s music three times – the first for Fake Taker, the second for Paul Bearer and the third for the actual Undertaker. The last one was actually a newer version of the theme which is a decent way of introducing it to the audience.

This match is not good. What we have here are two people who have to walk around slowly and no sell as part of their gimmick and with that much boredom follows. Brian Lee is a couple of inches smaller than Taker and he only looks like him when he’s got hair in front of his eyes. Real Taker hits three tombstones on Faker Taker and I kind of wish he just pinned him on the first one and got it over with. After the match, we got a completely pointless segment with Leslie and George who find a closed case and then say that ‘the case is closed’. Errgh. What a downer to end this show on.

Verdict: 3/10

A card with two standout matches – The Bret vs Owen steel cage match and Alundra Blayze vs Bull Nakano. It did have some downers too like Lex vs Tatanka and the Taker vs Taker battle but they did take up less time. Other than that, a solid show that delivered but I would have changed the match order. If I was booking it, I probably would have opened with the Womens match and closed with the cage match. To have a main event where one of the two guys was never going to be used again was pointless. I liked the step-up in presentation that Summerslam 1994 provided, in particular with its use of lighting effects and the curtain at the entrance way. I’m not so sure about the turquoise coloured graphics we saw on-screen though. All in all, I would definitely recommend that you seek out those two great matches and if you fancy it, you can have a pretty good time watching Summerslam 94 in its entirety.

Overall: 8/10